Moving Ahead After Divorce

Social psychologists insist that one has to discard this emotional baggage and regain positivity within self to move ahead. But moving ahead is not easy. There is a lot of emotional baggage filled with feelings of hate, pain, misery, guilt, depression, doubt and remorse. The divorcer is bound to start the doubting process did I do the right thing? Divorce takes a huge toll on individual self-esteem levels, self-image and self-belief.

Thus, one finds it necessary to seek professional help and guidance to get back on track. Many divorcers visit professional behavioural therapists to help them regain their confidence and dynamic spirit. It is the duty of the therapist to help the individual re-discover himself or herself, question his or her goals and aspirations in life, his or her willpower and personality traits. The therapist also guides the individual to clearly articulate his or her feelings on the divorce and his or her views about life after it. It has to be realised that the behavioural therapist does not spin any magic. The therapist simply gleans all facts and true feelings from the individuals consciousness and unconscious part of the personality. The therapist then skilfully moulds the brain into rejecting all negative feelings and accepting the positive adrenaline rush of being alone. In short, the therapist has to put a positive spin on the divorce and put before the individual the diverse options thrown up by divorce.

The entire behavioural therapy exercise is not easy. The therapist has to break the individual wall of self-defence and penetrate deep inside the personality to discover his or her inner feelings. This is the process of introspection which is achieved through hypnosis. In commonplace language, these procedures are known as the couch therapy. The therapy helps the individual face true facts about the marriage and spouse. It makes the individual realise why divorce was essential and unavoidable. Once this realisation is reached, more than half of the therapy is over. The individual is able to see the reality as it is and not through rose-tinted glasses.

The second phase of the therapy involves helping the individual deal with his or her negative emotions. If the individual has children, the therapist finds this task easy. The therapist has to communicate that the individual can only be able to help his or her children if he or she deals with her personal emotions first. Kids feel safer with a parent who is in control of the situation and feelings. Once this is done, the therapist now has to boost and rebuild the confidence level of the individual. Usually, this positive image exercise starts out as a task of duty but later becomes a source of enjoyment and interest for the individual. This image building exercise includes:

Getting a Physical Makeover: Individuals must always try to improve their self-image with a facial makeover. They have to look attractive to feel good and positive about themselves. It also includes getting a new wardrobe buying new clothes and shoes but not exactly indulging in a shopping spree. Behavioural therapy advocates being financially conscious and so, the individual is not allowed to binge on a shopping extravaganza.

Being Physically Fit: This may include gym sessions, doing yoga and meditation to regain control over physical and mental self. Meditation actually helps the individual to get rid of all negative feelings and auras. It instils a feeling of serenity and calm helping the individual to focus and develop a sense of well-being.

Sublimation or Projection: Individuals are encouraged to immerse their minds and focus on artistic activities of sublimation or projection. This actually means trying to channel all negative energies into positive art forms. It helps to rebuild individual self-belief in ones own potential and makes them realise that they are capable of dealing with all situations in life. Sublimation and projection activities may include painting, dancing, sculpting, glasswork and embroidery. In the beginning, these works may be dark in nature reflecting anger, hatred and sadness. But, behaviour therapy advocates that this sense of darkness will fade as the emotions find a regular outlet and the individual is exhausted of all negative emotions.

Physical Activity and Hobbies: The individual is instructed to actively participate in physical sports and activities of swimming, cycling, bungee jumping, diving, rock climbing and racing to let go of all negative emotions and also develop a positive sense of body image.

In the final stage of therapy, the therapist simply outlines the attractive options made available after divorce. The individual can do a job, pursue his or her hobbies and interest, and go back to school to pursue her education. The crux of therapy is to make the individual whole again to be able to move ahead with confidence.