What Will Turn Men Off in Marriage

How do you keep the passion burning even after youve said I do

Marriage should be a happy time for a couple. Youve survived the rigors of dating and courtship. Now its time to reap the rewards and spend a pleasant life together. But many couples find marriage to be a difficult adjustment to make. Theres a honeymoon phase, and then life settles into a routine. Husbands and wives start to irk one another. The passion of the early marriage starts to fade away.

Can this be stopped Of course it can. With some work and communication, two people who love each other can continue to love being married to each other forever. As women, there are certain things we can avoid, things that are instant turn offs to men in marriage. Here are five.

1. Complaining, nagging, and criticizing. This is always at the top of the list in surveys of married men when asked what their wives do that bothers them. As much as he loves you, he wants to be his own man, too. And lets face it, no one, male or female, likes being picked at.

Of course, we dont usually see our gentle reminders not to leave his socks on the floor as picking. If he would just DO it, we wouldnt have to keep mentioning it. But to him, it sounds like youre harping, nagging about the same thing over and over again. And it drives him crazy.

So what to do Mens minds are analytical. They like to solve problems. So make your suggestions in the form of solutions rather than complaints. Instead of saying, I hate it when you leave your socks on the floor, say, It will be much easier for me to do laundry if your socks are in the hamper instead of on the floor, sweetie. See The first was a complaint; the second was a solution. Surely he cant fail to see the logic in it, and if he forgets after that, youll know its an honest forgetting, not laziness or spite. And since you love him, you can forgive that.

2. Trying to control him. This goes along with #1. Men like to be independent. They like their buddies, they like their football games, they like their poker nights with the guys. But you like him to be home with you. Whos right

This is one where you may have to make some compromises. Theres no reason he shouldnt be allowed to hang out with his friends and do whatever it is those guys do when they get together -- provided hes still being a good husband and father too, of course. If hes out EVERY night with the guys, then maybe theres a problem. But if its once a week or so, and he has a fun time, then whats the harm Its selfish to insist he stay home with you all the time.

To compensate for it, you can arrange activities for just the two of you that go beyond just staying home and having a normal dull evening. Make sure the weekends are full of couples-only activities, or plan specific date nights once a week. That way, you can make sure youre getting a special evening with him at least as often as his friends get one.

3. Withholding sex out of anger or spite. Your husband shouldnt expect you to have sex whenever and wherever he wants to. If hes a typical man, he wants to have sex more or less constantly, so its not really feasible. But he shouldnt have to contend with you using sex as a weapon against him, either.

Sex is the most intimate part of a relationship, and some consider it the most sacred. Either partner using it as a way of controlling or hurting the other one cheapens it. If youre angry with your husband, talk to him about it, calmly and rationally. Dont withhold sex and then make him guess why. Those kinds of games are beneath you.

4. Letting your emotions control your thinking. Its a scientific fact that men solve problems analytically while women solve problems emotionally. Its also a fact that that difference is what drives both genders the craziest.

Still, that doesnt mean you should let your emotions dictate everything you say or do. It doesnt make any sense to refuse to go to a party with him tonight because he failed to notice you got your haircut earlier today. Thats emotion talking. When you feel yourself getting emotional, thats fine -- youre a woman; emotions are part of who you are. The trick is to avoid making decisions when youre in that state. Wait till youve calmed down again and become your normal self.

5. Letting yourself go physically. This is a touchy subject because it usually happens to both spouses. Youre both so busy with work, home and the kids that you stop exercising and get out of shape. But its men who are more likely to complain about it.

One solution is to make it a joint effort. As you notice yourself slipping into poor eating habits and zero exercise, talk to your husband. Suggest the two of you take up jogging together, or go for walks after dinner, or join a gym together. Hell see youre making an effort to maintain the lovely figure he fell in love with, and you can keep him from becoming a couch potato, too. Plus, any time you spend together is going to strengthen your relationship.

Its tragic to for small things to split marriages apart, but it happens all the time. Theres no reason to let it happen to you. Remember that you love each other and do what you can to keep the fires burning.