about making foreigner friends

Da jia hao:

FROM HTTP://WWW.CHINA-CORNER.COM

I will take my chance here and try to type what I think about making foreigner friends. It is just my opinion and nobody else has to agree with me, but living in this part of the world, at my age, Id like to share some things Ive learned, good and bad.

We already know the difference in culture between Asia and America. I believe the personality of people has to do mostly with 2 things: The genes that person born with, and the way he/she is raised. People in Asia are raised in a more cultural way than the American way. In my opinion is more polite. Although, there is good and bad anywhere. What Im trying to say here is, that American people are more aggressive than Asian people. As I wrote in another posting, this aggressiveness is due to what we are seeing at the movies, television and now the Internet. For a kid who is growing under these influences, being aggressive is the normal way of acting in real life. So to make the story short, here in America people learn to be aggressive in every way, not to mention the ways to make money. And sometimes aggressive to the point which is violent, because being aggressive towards life is a good thing almost always.

For the Chinese guys who are trying to make foreigner friends (specially girls), there are 2 or 3 basic things girls like in a man, (this is not a rule, or an absolute considering that there are no 2 persons exactly equal in every aspect, including identical twins, but rather by experience, both personal and for what Ive seen in other cases.

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1. Girls like men who are very secure of themselves. I mean, they like guys who know what they want, and in this sense aggressive, most of the time these guys have initiative. For this same reason, many women like business men, because almost always (not absolute) business men have a good initiative, they dont wait for things to come, they go for it. So in this sense, girls like men who go for them. And as we also know, behind business there is money, but Im not going to comment on this, because I believe being friends have nothing to do with money. People who make friends looking forward to make money are not real friends. Money in the pocket is their friend as the saying goes. So we can be a bit nervous when meeting a girl but never show like you dont know what to do or where to go. Girls dont like that. On the other hand girls like men who are fast but not anxious, they have different meaning. Being fast is being effective, being anxious is to be nervous or to have fear and girls note this very quick. When we are effective other people see us like a secure person. If you are afraid at some point, dont worry, every person in this world is afraid of something, just try to relax. Relaxing is also good to our health, and looks better than fear.

Maybe we are afraid of a bad experience, or just because we think something bad could happen. Guys, past and future do not exist just work in the present time it is the only real thing, work now and dont let your mind go in a travel to the past or the future, it just doesnt work. So try to keep present all the time which is present in itself. Dont confuse being aggressive with telling others what to do making others to be afraid of you is not the same than gain peoples respect (honor). We can give advice in trying to help someone else but never command what to do. So at the bottom line, girls like to feel they are protected by a secure man.

2. Almost every girl like men who has a good sense of humor. Again, almost always a guy who has a sense of humor is a smart guy. And most girls find this to be very sexy (hehe - keep this a secret). Another good thing is that almost always a person who has a good sense of humor is not an abusive person. Maybe some women like serious guys but that is not the rule. Many more women like humorous men. And going further, humorous men that know when to be serious and effective.

3. This point is rather the negative aggressiveness, which some women happen to like also. We can find every kind of people in this world, with very weird ways of thinking and acting but this can be a completely different topic to be studied alone. As I said before, violence is becoming more and more our daily bread. Nowadays, at least in this part of the world, (I dont know about Asia) many girls like violent guys, only to note at the end that they are victims of violence. It is like a running virus. Perhaps this is happening as a vicious circle, because the street is so violent, these girls need violent men on their side in order to feel protected. But well, I dont think this is our interest here. What we want to do is make friends not enemies. On the other hand girls dont care about your pain in the stomach, or your pities. At the bottom line and this is a personal opinion, both extremes are bad. Being too hard or too soft. We need to have elements of both sides to build a good friendship.

It is not a matter of being good looking or ugly, it is a matter of how a person feel being with you.

As a personal note: Guys be effective and kind with girls. I think Mao Tse Dong said:

- women are the real power of society Im not sure if Mao said that, but I believe it.

By the way, I recommend the movie Unleashed with Jet Li, this movie shows both sides of the coin. Great movie Have fun guys/girls.